“Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I forget that I, and everyone I love, will die some day.
Death will happen to all of us at some point - that much is certain. And yet, we conveniently avoid thinking about mortality for long stretches of time. That’s usually A-Okay with me. I’m not excited about the idea of dying some day, I’d much rather stick around. Thinking about mortality feels sad and scary to me.
Lately, though, I can’t help thinking about death. Because of COVID-19, death is all around and hard to avoid. This week, the U.S. will reach at least 100,000 losses due to COVID-19. Yesterday was Memorial Day, a day to honor those who have died in war. Right now, it’s harder to forget that life is impermanent.
Remembering Mortality Can Point Us Toward What Matters Most
While awareness of our own mortality may feel uncomfortable and scary, it can also remind us of our most deeply-held values. In the grand scheme of things, our time to be alive is brief. When we face the fact that our time in life is finite, it reminds us that the clock is ticking.
Sometimes we get so stuck in our day-to-day problems, we lose perspective, and the things that matter most to us get lost. It can take a major perspective shift to be reminded of what matters.
“We’re all going to die, all of us; what a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.”
Of course we have practical aspects of life to take care of - we can’t shirk all the laundry and errands and always live as if it’s very our last day on earth - but we can do our best to remember that we won’t be here forever, and keep what’s most important in mind.
We have to do the things that matter most to us, before it’s too late. Life will inevitably pass us by, and if we wait too long to do what matters most, we could risk missing the chance. The time to act is now.
Touching Mortality Exercise
If you want to make contact with a sense of your own mortality, as a way of clarifying your values, here are some questions to ask yourself:
At the end of my life, how do I want to be remembered?
What would it take to look back at the end of my life and feel satisfied that I had lived it well?
What life experiences would give me the sense that I had lived fully?
Knowing that the people I love will die too, how can I express caring now?
If I only had six months left to live, what would I most want to do?
What feelings arise when I think about my own mortality? What does this teach me about what’s most important in the time I have left in my life?
Throughout the day today, remind yourself what a well-lived life would look like for you, and make a conscious choice to do at least one thing, big or small, based on what you’ve learned from this exercise.
Podcast Interview on Existentialism with Robyn Walser
In her book, The Heart of ACT (2019), Robyn Walser writes that, “Awareness of death has the potential to instigate a radical shift in life perspective and motivate us to engage in being alive in the moment and commit to actions that serve our value.”
You can listen to a conversation I had with Robyn, where we explored issues of existentialism, mortality, and finding meaning here on my podcast: https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/exploring-existence-and-purpose
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels